Fail-safe planning?

The winter months can be pretty daunting for those of us with Psoriasis and with PSA. With the chilly temperatures we’re much more prone to flare ups and Psoriasis breakouts. Going from hot to cold, the early morning chills, having the stuffy heating on at home; all things which can be troublesome.

With the Psoriatic Arthirits, I’m finding the frozen temperatures affect you even more; I’m having to get up earlier to get my joints moving and give my painkillers more of a chance to kick in, and I find I’m walking slower as I brave the coldness and joint pain at once.

December also usually means a huge spike in social activities; catching up with friends to celebrate and organising and attending work parties. It’s also the busiest time of year for birthdays with my friends and family; and as most of my friends are turning 30 this year, it’s definitely a time for partying! I also have to work out where in the country I am over the Christmas holidays – with separated parents at each end of the country, and finding time to co-ordinating seeing Wayne (either in Leeds or London) who also has his own plans in London can be stressful.  For the rest of the month I probably have maybe two nights in a week where I don’t have any plans at all. An easy task to anyone else I imagine, but I do have to just be that bit more careful.

Sounds like a really tough problem, right ;-). Ordinarily, no, but add in the anxiety, PSA and generally just not knowing how I’ll wake up feeling on each day… yeah you get the picture.

I’ve had a really really good last few weeks, with a 100% hit rate for attendance! So, for my own sake more than anything else I wanted to list my highlights since I last blogged…

  • Lasted the whole night at my Christmas party. Party organising is my absolute favourite; so there was no way I was going to have a bad night there. I was determined – and ultimately managed the whole night, without sitting at all, right until ‘lights up’. Yes I may have swapped to wearing pumps from about 11ish onwards, but who cares!
    IMG_0996
  • Spent a weekend in Paris with some of my oldest friends. We had a brilliant weekend and I was seriously worried about f*cking up the plans, especially after my last episode of anxiety in Birmingham. In your face PSA – we walked over 12k each day all around the city in the freezing cold. I couldn’t walk quite as fast as everyone else but it really didn’t matter and we had the best time.
    Screenshot-2017-12-11 Alex ( alex_c_mcewan) • Instagram photos and videos
  • The weekend just gone I was in Birmingham again for my friend’s 30th; this time around was a completely different story to said last experience. Again, another kick in the balls to PSA. Even getting snowed in didn’t stop us from having a fab weekend, and we made it back in one piece with not a single hangover between us ;-).
    IMG_1086

What helps me with my anxiety is the ability to be planned. I’m also having to take a few Mondays off of work in order to recover. Luckily I have a fair bit of holiday to be able to do that with this month. And it’s exactly what I’ve been doing today… heaven!

In other news, I’ve been able to lower my Methotrexate dosage by a quarter, which feels so good. I’ve also decided to take it as a weekly injection rather than orally. Mtx comes with so many side affects and I was constantly feeling so so nauseous and would have dizzy episodes now and again too.

So I’m now injecting myself weekly for the Mtx and fortnightly with the Humira.  My doctor is happy for me to start scaling back on my painkillers which I’m desperate to do. Though I might need to just wait for the Christmas period to pass and I can focus on that in January. Bring it on!

Joey

x x x

Heaven on 8,820 nails…

I am SO sick of being sick! I’ve had a chest infection for almost a month now, and am driving myself insane, let alone everyone else! Three GP opinions later I have finally been given some antibiotics to help get rid of it – we all know antibiotics aren’t the best answer, but with all of the methotrexate and the biologicals I’m on, my immune system is constantly being suppressed, so it’s time to give in and get a little extra help to boost my immune defence and finally get rid of this bloody infection.

I’ve had to stop taking my biologicals for the moment until I’m feeling back to normal, but I’m still – reluctantly – taking the methotrexate. It’s my chemo day today and am feeling especially sluggish.

The most annoying thing about being ill is that you have NO energy, so all I can do is try and rest. Which means being horizontal. Which is an absolute no no for my back when I’m having to lie around all day. This afternoon I could barely stand straight. so along with a little spinal stretch on my faithful foam roller, I had just the thing to help…

For anyone who’s ever had acupuncture and found that it made a difference, I am right there with you. It had so many benefits, it saved me from my horrendous insomnia some years back, along with soothing my aching muscles and easing my back pain somewhat. What it didn’t do, however, was save me money. God it’s expensive!!

Now THIS is a game changer:

If you haven’t heard of Bed of Nails… look them up. These guys have come up with an acupressure mat- it’s a foam mat with 8,820 little plastic spikes which you lie on and it gives you all kinds of benefits:

  1. Relieves chronic back and neck pain (they do a neck pillow version too and it’s fab)
  2. Reduces stress and anxiety
  3. Increases blood circulation
  4. Increases energy levels

http://bedofnails.org/

It’s not as painful as you might expect – once your body weight is even across it it’s absolutely fine, quite enjoyable even! It’s best to be wearing light thin clothing for this – I haven’t quite worked up to lying on it with bare skin yet – ouch!!

Because of my back, it’s a little too uncomfortable to lie flat on the floor for a long period of time, but it’s fab to put on the sofa and / or bed, and the neck pillow is perfect for this too.

You can also put the neck pillow in the arch of your back if you get sore when sitting up right – the neck pillow is probably my fave item.

With the mat you can even stand on it and do your feet. Pretty painful though to start with, I’m too much of a wimp to do that at the mo ☺️. One day!

They’re easy to travel around with as they come in these handy travel bags.

<<<<<<<<
t them online and in a variety of colours now. About half an hour in the evening on this and it's SOOOO good. I highly recommend!

I need to try more of their products – they do aromatherapy oils and candles too – my fave!!

Joey

xXx

The good sort of pain…

With all of my back problems (my slipped discs, my scoliosis) and of course the Psoriatic Arthritis in my pelvis and feet (did I mention that already) 😉 I haven’t been able to work out properly for the last couple of years without being in immense pain. I’ve been doing Physio and Pilates which helps for sure, but cardio in particular has been a no-no for me especially anything where I have to be stood up on my feet.

My two main disabilities really work against each other sometimes. They tell me the best thing for keeping your spine mobile is exercise; yet I can’t excercise because I’m in so much pain with my arthritis – especially with it being in my feet/toes. Sometimes, when the PSA pain is so bad, I can barely move without being in agony, which results in my back pain escalating because I’m not able to be as mobile as I should be to keep my spine in check. So ridiculous.

BUT… I got the all clear a couple of weeks ago to be able to go back to the gym – yaassss! I am still limited to what I can do – I can use the cross trainer and recumbent bike for cardio, and lots of the weights. A benefit of all my core work from rehab physio is that my posture is SO much better than it used to be, which also helps get the best out of my workouts. To top it off my local gym has got a huge space for mat work on the floor with all the foam rollers, weights and bosu balls I could dream of.

I’ve been really poorly for the last three weeks with a nasty chesty cough infection which just won’t go away. I’ve been trying to ignore it and hope it’ll piss off but it’s going nowhere fast; so this week I gave in to it and have taken time off work for the rest of the week. It’s easy to forget I have next to no immune system! So any sign of the smallest infection from someone and I’m taken down almost immediately (I can thank the mtx and humira for that!). If I don’t take time out to really rest and do what my body needs me to do, I won’t get better.  I also have plans with different friends/family for the next four days in a row – and unlike my ‘normal’, ‘healthy’ friends, I have to plan for that and make sure to take things easy in advance.

Having been locked up in the flat all day by myself and not uttering a word out loud to anyone, I was starting to go a bit crazy. So I decided that, despite feeling shitty, a workout would do me good.  I dusted off the gym kit and met Wayne after work and we headed over to the gym to get inducted and stay for our first session.

I genuinely never thought I’d be excited about going to the gym… I had forgotten how good it feels when you leave after a successful workout. And you know what, I genuinely am really looking forward to that good kinda pain and soreness you get the next day when you wake up…

Bring it on!

Joey
xxx

gym

The eye of the storm

It’s a funny one, anxiety – it can come at you in many different ways and often catches you completely off guard. I suffered my most recent bout of it just this weekend – and it sure loves to try and ruin you whether you like it or not.

We’re all different. It can affect you in many different aspects of your life – I find it picks at your insecurities. It’s nasty like that.

Anxiety isn’t just about giving you that nervous anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach. For me, I can often feel it coming on. Think of it like a swirling storm brewing in the distance, and you can see it getting closer and closer but you can’t run away from it. You can run for cover for a short while – find some shelter and shut it out – but eventually it brings down the walls and you hit the brunt of it. I have suffered from depression in the past – and I’m so proud of myself for saying ‘no’ to the doctor when she offered me anti-depressants – and the fight or flight feeling you get with that is very similar. Once you get it you just have to ride the storm and fight to come out the other side.

For chronic pain sufferers, anxiety seems to make everything seem 100x more painful too. Every ache and pain, every movement.

It also makes you imagine the worst scenarios in everything. I hate being any form of centre of attention – and sometimes the anxiety can be so bad I genuinely get glued to my seat I can’t even walk across a room, worried that people will be looking at me. Sounds stupid I know.

I spent the weekend with my my closest friends celebrating one of them gettting engaged. With a whole long exciting weekend planned, filled with celebrations and spending the weekend all together, It got to yesterday afternoon and that’s when I hit the eye of my storm. I suddenly felt so so overwhelmed and my back and joint pain increased by what felt like a million percent. I started scenario planning and playing out the worst case scenarios in my head – for no apparent reason to the average person. What if my joints inflame even more and I have to spend the next few days bedbound? What if my spine locks and I can’t walk?

We’d been out since midday and it had got to about 5pm and the night was still to come, with everyone planning on staying out for at least another few hours. My ability to focus on just having a normal conversation was flailing and all I wanted to do was hide away, curl up and have a cry. Again for – what seemed to everyone else – no reason. Eventually, I physically couldn’t hold the tears back anymore and had a bit of a breakdown between walking from one bar to the next. At that point I had to call it quits and give in. Wayne took me back to our AirBnB place in a cab and we made a quick exit. I was truly embarrassed and felt an absolute failure. All I could feel was pain and humiliation. What a drama queen. How rude for just leaving without saying bye to everyone. All I kept worrying about was what everyone would think and I was just getting more and more upset. I’m bloody thirty for God’s sake… who just loses it out of nowhere?! Time for home – for peace and quiet, a cup of tea, a cry and a hug and everything started to feel a little better. Wayne just knows what to do when I get low like this. Just being there, giving me a cuddle or a knowing look is sometimes all you need to feel more calm, more safe and secure and less lonely in it all.

A few hours later everyone else came home and we had a great evening – very chilled with some crappy tv, pizza and silly games. I soon forgot for a little while how shit I had been feeling.

It really one of the most draining feelings, and all I can do is write about it here and keep positive; build back up my walls and wait for the storm to pass – because it absolutely will.

Joey

xXx

The big three ohhh?

I have just realised that I’m no longer a twenty-something as per my blog description! Truth is, I knew that when I set this little thing up a couple of months ago, but it just sounded better that way ;-).

This time last weekend I had my thirtieth birthday party. And I tell you what, I wasn’t half dreading it! Not the age bit, that doesn’t bother me at all. But I was genuinely so stressed about not being well for it! I had arranged for a meal with my family and closest friends in the early evening, followed by drinks till the early hours with even more lovely friends. I was SO excited to see everyone and have all of my favourite people all in one place. Yet I was dreading the thought of:

  1. Feeing sick and run down: Thursday is my ‘Chemo day’ where I take my methotrexate which often leaves me feeling pretty ropey still. Friday I took my second Humira injection (the biological med) which I’m finding wipes me out and makes me feel pretty tired. I do think it’s making a difference though on the whole (will leave for a further blog)
  2. Stressing about trying not to stress:  My scalp psoriasis had come back the week before and I was trying my hardest not to stress about that not clearing up. But – with a bottle of my fave shampoo ready to go I was looking much better.
  3. The Cinderella problem: I was feeling very sorry for myself that I had been unable to find any nice shoes to make me feel special and glam and party-ready. I tend to have just two options when it comes to nice footwear these days – and they come in the form of boots – black or brown. And heels are out of the question with the PSA in my toe joints. Any hint of height and I’m in agony. Not very exciting to say the least and I just was not feeling in the mood to party as I was too busy dreading how bad my feet and joint might hurt.
  4. Burning out early: unlike all of my friends I have to remember that I just can’t be on my feet all day doing a lot of the things I used to, IF I want to be up and on my feet all night. I felt I was turning 80 not 30. So I was annoyed that I was having to minimise my day plans to ensure I was getting enough rest to last the evening.

But when it came down to it, I put those worries aside; I got my hair ‘did, got the contouring pallette out, opened up a new dress, put on my faithful boots (I went for the black ones), and went for it. Screw you PSA!

We finally made it to bed at 3.30 am. I had the BEST night – and I wasn’t even in pain the next day (apart from waking up with sore thighs from too much slut-dropping! Though I was more impressed that I was there on the floor with my favourite girls dancing like we were back in our early twenties!).
Bring on the dirty thirties, and all that it throws at me 👊🏼.
Joey

Xxx
img_5377-1
Me and my amazing sisters, Sophie (left) and Harriet (middle) ♥️
img_5368-1
My lovely boyfriend, Wayne ♥️

#WFH

Today I’ve been working from home. I try and wfh around one full day a week but it does often end up being a bit more than that due to popping out to various doctors appointments each week as well as attending a rehab physio-pilates class every other week – which I loooove. My Physio is the best and she knows me inside out (I’ve been seeing her for the last 3 years every fortnight), but it’s in the complete opposite direction of both work (west london) and home, (south london) so I’ll often go to work in the morning, have my physio at lunchtime and then head home and log on from there for the afternoon. It works pretty well and my work are so good about it.

I try not to take for granted how good my work have been with me and my health over the last 4 years – I’ve been so lucky and they are so understanding. If I am having a rough day or wake up in an insane amount of pain (it happens) I can work from home. It’s pot luck whether I have my work laptop with me though! But if not, my mac will suffice as long as I have no skype meetings that day.

I’ll sometimes wake up with really bad joint stiffness in the mornings. Given that I live on a massive f-off hill, the morning commute can be reallllly painful on my toes and back. But, becuase I’m not clock-watched and am trusted to do the work and get the job done whenever / wherever suits me best, it really helps with my anxiety and I don’t have to stress that my manager will be wondering where I am at 9.00 on the dot. I’ll sometime limp in at around 10am and rather than being asked ‘where have you been’ it’s more likely to be ‘how are you? pain okay today?’ . Which is a real comfort.

Today the pain has been okay, though I am generally much better off sat in a proper office chair at my desk in the office. My kitchen table isn’t quite the right height and the sofa definitely does no favours for my joints. BUT. It’s cold outside and I’m doing lots of proof reading today, so the sofa will do perfectly, along with my favourite throw, himalayan salt candle on the go, and a mug of hot tea.

wfh

I’ve been really stressed about a few things this week, which has resulted in psoriasis rearing it’s ugly head on mine too. And all over my forehead today it seems. A cup of this tea each day (first thing in the morning on an empty stomach) is soooo good for my skin and helps clear it. It doesn’t taste too horrific either and is much better for me than coffee – caffeine just won’t help me on this occassion!  It contains lots of red clover, nettle leaves, dandelion root, burdock root, chamomile and lemon. You can get it from most health shops or online, and it’s not that expensive either. Give it a go if you’re looking for a skin detox – it’ll really combat inflammation, puffiness, redness and any breakouts.

skin purify

Right, that’s enough procrastination for this afternoon! I was planning on wfh tomorrow too as it’s friday but it’s back into the office for me – forgot my laptop charger didnt I. #Fail.

 

Joey

x x x

The difficult fourth post

So last week I finally had the guts to share this blog. Honestly, I was really scared. Most people I know already know the headlines of what I’ve been going through recently with the PSA. It’s not quite the same though as writing everything down into actual sentences. Actual facts. All out in the open for all to see.

I was really touched to read all of the comments from people – I’m not embarrased to say that I cried at almost each and every one of them! I’m a softie I know. But just knowing you’re not alone is so lovely. So thank you.

This week has been full of positives –

Firstly – my Humira injections came through! Halle-bloody-lujah. This Friday I’m off to the Rheumatology dept at Guy’s Hospital to get taught how to do the injections myself. I’ve been told by many people not get my hopes up – there are a few different types of biologicals and I might not be lucky with the first one. But I’m not one to be pessimistic about these things – if I was I’d have given up long ago. I’ll keep you posted on how Friday goes.

Secondly – I did something for me this week. I’ve wanted proper hair extensions for years now. Having good hair is the ultimate confidence booster. And boy do I need one of those where I can get one! With the Chemo, my hair is really weak and it just isn’t growing at the moment. I finally decided to splurge and get a full head from my lovely hairdresser, Steph. I booked a day off work and had a full on pamper afternoon on Monday with Steph. And hey presto I have hair down to my waist (well, almost!) .

When life gives you lemons, flick your hair in it’s face…

Joey

Xxx