I’m very conscious that I’ve gotten into a habit of posting whenever things start to go a bit pear-shaped. I guess it’s because 1) that’s when I have things on my mind, and 2) there’s sometimes a misconception or two to clear up. Or maybe it’s 3) – an attempt to reach those going through similar experiences to me and will totally get it – because unless you suffer with chronic pain I’m afraid you just don’t get it. So here I am just trying to 4) vocalise my feelings and emotions as I navigate my journey through this.
Now, last time I posted I was in a pretty dire place emotionally and physically – sciatica set in (both legs) and left me unable to stand, walk or sit for a scary few days. Luckily – I managed to turn it around and was back up and partying (with slight precaution) at my friend’s wedding in Cambridge the next weekend. Over the past five weeks I’ve had four weddings! Each one of them have been amazing in many different ways, and I’m very lucky my body’s let me cope with it! I do think there’s huuuuge power in positive mental attitude and your brain’s ability to help deal with pain and healing is properly awesome. No, it’s not going to cure us, but it helps massively in how you perceive pain, and you certainly need it to get through the bad days and get yourself out of bed, ready to fight another day and get your strength back. I’ve always been the smiler, the giggler, the one to see the good in a situation (though you probably wouldn’t believe it from reading this blog!) so I like to think I’m lucky it comes more naturally to me.
Anyway, I’m keeping this post pretty short and sweet for once, and just wanted to check in to say I’m still here, I’m having some good days, and I’m currently relaxing and soothing my joints in this LOVELY bubble bath cracking up at this book and waiting for Love Island to start at 9pm… what’s there to complain about!? ;-).
I have had so many of you getting in touch to check I’m okay and send your love (thank you!) – so I just wanted to say how much I appreciate it and post a quick update on here.
I am officially sick of the sight of my bedroom! I’m now able to stand easily and walk around for about 10/15mins at a time but I haven’t yet conquered the sitting down comfortably without getting those nasty electrical pulses going down the legs, and my back completely stiffening up like an ironing board – before having to head back to bed in a huff.
What’s helped? Stretches. Stretches stretches stretches every few minutes – and a session on the foam roller when I’m feeling cocky. Though if I roller my back too much then it gets ‘angry’ and I end up getting stuck on the floor for a little while!
Also, my Forever Living Heat Lotion is a god send and soothes my lower back. It’s pretty much Deep Heat but we all know I’m a lover of the aloe so that’s my go-to one.
By some miracle I’m sleeping like a log (the pain is exhausting so luckily I’m shattered and I fall asleep easily). Each morning when I wake up it gets easier and easier, so I’m just being patient with myself, and hopefully in a day or two I’ll be feeling more human. Mustn’t get inpatient.
I’m very lucky to have such supportive friends and family. Usually within about a minute or two of posting, my mum and dad are both on the phone asking if I’m okay. Mum will usually then send me lovely hourly ‘whooaaahhh here comes a hug’ messages for a day or two! And Wayne of course is amazing looking after me the whole time, giving me reassuring cuddles and making me laugh when I cry.
There’s nothing better than a weekend of little to no plans. It doesn’t always happen, but when it does, it’s sheer BLISS.
Though it’s a real shame my body doesn’t always agree.
I had plans on Friday night with the girls, but it was dinner at mine so none of the usual required late night trekking across London to get home after a day at work (sorry girls, just you!) which is exhausting enough most of the time.
For the remainder of this weekend, I have just tried to relax; so I’ve been doing a bit of life admin, a bit of work from the comfort of my sofa and I even treated myself to a manicure today for the first time in years. Oh yes and a few hours spent catching up on the latest Grey’s Anatomy and a whole week’s worth of Survival of the Fittest (which is totally filling the Love Island hole in my life right now so I’m not even sorry 😉 ).
But unfortunately, it’s now Sunday night and I have been in agony all day, with the oh so recognisable effects of Sciatica setting in. I get really frustrated that I can no longer spend a few hours on the sofa trying to relax my mind from everything going on because I just get punished with the most painful back ache. I’m now struggling to stand straight and I’m hobbling around like no-ones business.
I’ve not yet found a way to deal with my frustrations that come as a result of this disease, and having my back problems make it 1,000% worse on bad days. So this evening I’m just taking it out on my keyboard writing this and hoping that an evening on the mat with the dumbbells helps ease the stiffness and pray that I get a good nights’ sleep so that I’m back and better for the start of another week.
In other news I’ve got another apt with my Rheumatology nurses tomorrow – I can’t wait to tell them that I’m now off all of my painkillers (which is probably why the pain today is a shock to the system – I must have been getting cocky). But I have been having some side effects from all the biologicals and the chemo so we’ll be discussing those and seeing what we can do to reduce them. But I think I’ll save that for another post!
Have a lovely and peaceful Sunday evening, everyone.
Joey x x x